Dear My Heart

Dear Heart,


Please be patient. Please take care. Please be happy. Please be content.

Stop hurting yourself over and over again over silly things.

Please be strong, please go on.

Don’t stop beating, please keep living.

Please heal fast.. keep stead fast.

Keep loving your self and others around you.

Please get well soon


Yours sincerely

Define Maturity

Article taken from : wikipedia


In psychology, maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctive. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act appropriately, according to the circumstances and the culture of the society one lives in.[1] Adult development and maturity theories include the purpose in life concept, in which maturity emphasizes a clear comprehension of life’s purpose, directedness, and intentionality which, contributes to the feeling that life is meaningful.[2]

The status of maturity is distinguished by the shift away from reliance on guardianship and the oversight of an adult in decision-making acts. Maturity has different definitions across legal, social, religious, political, sexual, emotional, and intellectual contexts. The age or qualities assigned for each of these contexts are tied to culturally-significant indicators of independence that often vary as a result of social sentiments. The concept of psychological maturity has implications across both legal and social contexts, while a combination of political activism and scientific evidence continue to reshape and qualify its definition. Because of these factors, the notion and definition of maturity is somewhat subjective.

Jerome Bruner proposed the purpose of the period of immaturity as being a time for experimental play without serious consequences, where a young animal can spend a great deal of time observing the actions of skilled others in coordination with oversight by and activity with its mother.[3] The key to human innovation through the use of symbols and tools, therefore, is re-interpretive imitation that is “practiced, perfected, and varied in play” through extensive exploration of the limits on one’s ability to interact with the world. Evolutionary psychologists have also hypothesized that cognitive immaturity may serve an adaptive purpose as a protective barrier for children against their own under-developed meta-cognition and judgment, a vulnerability that may put them in harm’s way.[4] For youth today, the steadily extending period of ‘play’ and schooling going into the 21st century comes as a result of the increasing complexity of our world and its technologies, which too demand an increasing intricacy of skill as well as a more exhaustive set of pre-requisite abilities. Many of the behavioral and emotional problems associated with adolescence may arise as children cope with the increased demands placed on them, demands which have become increasingly abstracted from the work and expectations of adulthood.

Socio-emotional and cognitive markers[edit]

Although psychological maturity is specifically grounded in the autonomy of one’s decision-making ability, these outcomes are deeply embedded in not only cognition, but also in lifelong processes of emotional, social and moral development. Various theorists have provided frameworks for recognizing the indicators of maturity. Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development describe progression into adult maturity, with each maturational stage characterized by a certain kind of psychsocial conflict.[5][6] The “Identity” stage is characterized as being mainly concerned with issues of role exploration and role confusion, and also the exploration of sexual and other identities. Adolescents navigate a web of conflicting values and selves in order to emerge as ‘the person one has come to be’ and ‘the person society expects one to become’.[7] Erikson did not insist that stages begin and end at globally pre-defined points, but that particular stages such as “Identity” could extend into adulthood for as long as it took to resolve the conflict.[8][9] Piaget’s theory of cognitive development defines the formal operational stage as a plateau reached once an individual can think logically using symbols and is marked by a shift away from “concrete” thought, or thought bound to immediacy and facts, and toward “abstract” thought, or thought employing reflection and deduction.[10] These theories have shaped the investigation of adolescent development and reflect the limitations of cognition prior to adulthood.

While maturity is often termed as a label awarded to a child, research has revealed that children themselves hold a clear sense of their own autonomy and personal jurisdiction. For instance, American elementary-aged school children demonstrated an acknowledgement of the limits of their parents’ authority over their choice of dress, hairstyle, friends, hobbies, and media choices.[11] But this constrained earlier concept of personal autonomy later develops into a broader understanding of individual freedoms, with an understanding of freedom of speech as a universal right emerging by elementary school age.[12] However, younger children do have difficulty with maintaining a consistent view on universal rights, with 75% of first-grade children expressing uncertainty about prohibiting freedom of speech in Canada.[13] But this same study also found that 6-11 year old Canadian children rejected nondemocratic systems on the basis of violating principles of majority vote, equal representation, and right to a voice, which provides evidence for an emerging knowledge of political decision-making skills from a young age.

Biological and evolutionary markers[edit]

Where maturity is an earned status that often carries responsibilities, immaturity is then defined in contrast by the absence of serious responsibility and in its place is the freedom for unmitigated growth. This period of growth is particularly important for humans, who undergo a unique four-stage pattern of development (infancy, childhood, juvenility, adolescence) that has been theorized to confer a number of evolutionarily competitive benefits (Locke & Bogin, 2006). In infancy, motor development stretches long into the early years of life, necessitating that young infants rely on their mothers almost entirely. This state of helplessness provides for an intensely close bond between infant and mother, where separation is infrequent and babies are rarely out of a caregiver’s arms.[14][15] For non-human primates and all non-human mammalian species the growth of the first permanent molar marks the end of lactation and the beginning of foraging, setting an early requirement for independence. Human children, on the other hand, do not have an advanced motor control capable of foraging and also lack the digestive capacity for unprepared food, and so have always relied on the active involvement of their mother and other caregivers in their care into childhood.[16]

The pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for higher cognitive functions such as planning, decision-making, judgment and reasoning, develops and matures most rapidly during early adolescence and into the early 20s.[17] Accompanying the growth of the pre-frontal cortex is continued synaptic pruning (the trimming of rarely used synapses) as well as an increased myelination of nerve fibers in the brain, which serve to insulate and speed up signal transmission between neurons. The incomplete development of this process contributes to the finding that adolescents use their brain less broadly than do adults when asked to inhibit a response and show less cross-talk (communication across diverse regions of the brain).[18] The brain’s “cross-talk” may be related to decision-making concerning risk-taking, with one study of American adolescents finding delayed reaction time and decreased spread across brain regions in a task asking them to determine whether a dangerous action is a good idea or not.[19] Steinberg observes that there is close overlap in the activated brain regions for socioemotional and reward information, which may pose a challenge when making decisions in the most high-risk peer contexts.[20] One study found that preference for small immediate rewards over larger long-term rewards was associated with increased activation with regions primarily responsible for socioemotional decision-making.[21]

Legal and Political issues[edit]

The definition and determination of maturity has been applied to the issue of criminal responsibility of juvenile offenders and to a number of legal ages. The age of majority, the most broadly applied legal threshold of adulthood, is typically characterized by recognition of control over oneself and one’s actions and decisions. The most common age threshold is 18 years of age, with thresholds ranging from 14 to 21 across nations and between provinces. Although age of majority is referred to as a jurisdiction’s legal age, the legal ages of various other issues of legal maturity like sexual consent or drinking and smoking ages are often different from the age of majority. Aside from age-based thresholds of maturity, restrictions based in a perceived intellectual immaturity also extend to those with a variety of mental impairments (generally defined as anyone with a mental disability that requires guardianship), with laws in place in most regions limiting the voting rights of the mentally disabled and often requiring the judgment of a court to declare fitness. Similar to those restrictions placed on children, persons with mental disabilities also have freedoms restricted and have their rights assigned to parental guardians.

One reason cited for why children and the mentally disabled are not permitted to vote in elections is that they are too intellectually immature to understand voting issues. This view is echoed in concerns about the adult voting population, with observers citing concern for a decrease in ‘civic virtue’ and ‘social capital,’ reflecting a generalized panic over the political intelligence of the voting population.[22] Although critics have cited ‘youth culture’ as contributing to the malaise of modern mass media’s shallow treatment of political issues, interviews with youth themselves about their political views have revealed a widespread sense of frustration in their political powerlessness as well as a strongly cynical view of the actions of politician.[23] Several researchers have attempted to explain this sense of cynicism as a way of rationalizing the sense of alienation and legal exclusion of youth in political decision-making.[24][25]

Another reason cited against child voting rights is that children would be unduly biased by media and other societal pressures. On the whole, this view is unsubstantiated, with interviews with youth revealing that they often have a great deal of knowledge about news programming, media bias, the importance of evidence, evaluation of arguments on the merits of their evidence, as well as a preparedness for forming arguments of one’s own using available evidence. In cognitive research, some studies conducted in the 1970s offered a skeptical view of adolescent understanding of democratic principles like freedom of speech.[26] However, this research is now recognized to have used challenging and contradictory vignettes that placed a high demand on still-developing verbal and metacognitive skills[13] which are not recognized as requisite to an understanding of individual political rights. More recent research[27][13] has unveiled that even elementary school age children have a concept of freedom of speech and that by ages 8-9 this concept expands beyond a concern for personal autonomy and onto awareness for its social implications and the importance of the right to a political voice.

Maturity has also been taken into account when determining the fairness of the death penalty in cases involving mentally retarded or underage perpetrators. In Atkins v. Virginia, the U.S. Supreme Court decision banning the execution of mentally retarded persons, was decided on the grounds that “diminished capacities to understand and process mistakes and learn from experience, to engage in logical reasoning, to control impulses, and to understand the reactions of others” was cited as the evidence supporting a reduced view of criminal culpability.[28]

Cultural and religious issues[edit]

In Jewish religion, the “becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah” (literally “an [agent] who is subject to the law”) refers to the ceremony declaring that a Jewish child is morally and ethically responsible for their actions, is eligible to be called to read from the Torah, as well as responsibility to abide by the 613 laws written in the Torah. Traditionally, this ceremony awarded adult legal rights as well as the right to marry. Similarly, Christian churches hold Confirmation as a rite of passage in early adolescence. The rite holds fewer practical responsibilities than the Bar/Bat Mitzavah, but carries ethical and moral consequences. Of age Christians who complete Communion are responsible for going to church on Sundays and for confessing their sins periodically, and it is a common practice to warn children that it would be a mortal sin (an act punishable by banishment to hell) to lapse in these responsibilities.

Prom is celebrated throughout many countries of the world following or prior to final coursework for the year or after graduation. Various parties, ceremonies, or gatherings are held, ranging in their focus on academics, bonding, or as a farewell. In some Western European countries a post-degree party consists of burning notebooks and final projects. In certain countries, such as Colombia and the United States, the prom has come to take on a dual role of celebrating both academic achievement as well as sexual maturity. Quinceañera, in parts of Latin America, Début in the Philippines, Ji Li in China, and sweet 16 in the United States coincide closely with graduation, which highlights the importance and broad recognition of the transition; however, these celebrations are most prominently celebrated only by girls up until recently. A number of traditions are associated with the earlier critical maturation point of menarche. A girl’s menarche is celebrated in varying ways, with some traditional Jewish customs defining it as a contamination, with the customs shaped around cleaning it away and ensuring it does not make anything or one unclean.[29] This served a historical purpose of blocking women from taking part in economic or political events.[30] The Maori of New Zealand, the Tinne Indians of the Yukon, the Chichimilia of Mexico, and the Eskimos, among other groups, all hold varyingly negative beliefs about the time of menarche and what dangers it brings.

For boys and young men, the practices of scarification, hazing, ragging, fagging, Szecskáztatás in Hungary, and other abuses or humiliations as a rite of passage into a group. These practices test and assert the expectations for pain tolerance and allegiance for men in those groups. Various branches of the military hold similar formal proving rituals (e.g. boot camp and Army basic training) that, aside from serving to train entrants, also demarcate an initial recognition of maturity in the organization, with successive experiences building upon that. Many occupations and social groups recognize similar tiers of maturity within the group across many cultures, which underlie the universality of maturity as a status that is successively achieved throughout the life-cycle.



Please take 5 minutes to read this


In the name of Allah the most gracious the most mercifull

Maybe some of you would have read by previous post regarding me wanting to quit my job. Well let me just clarify that i am not planning on quiting fully. I will have to finish my housemanship first and then do what i really want to do.

Whe i was in Russia i really loved usrah. I was always very keen and anthusiastic about it. It’s just that my studies was bothering me. I didn’t perform well in class and i was always depressed about that. I almost wanted to quit medicine thinking this is not the pathway for me. But now that i have passed and graduated. Now the next issue is marriage

I can’t seem to find the right person at the right time at the right place. All the guys that comes to me seems very very selfish and only think about themselves. You would think that a guy doctor would be very gentlemenlike in my work place.. But no they are very selfish the way they treat wemen as a whole. Even my MO specialist who is a women says that in here the men are sexist. If you know what i mean

Anyways…so in my quest to find the right person other obsticles staeted coming by like my mother not agreeing with the whole thing and my dad totally being unsupportive of me getting married. I just feel like the whole world is not on my side.

So please do not judge me. Because you have no idea what i’ve been through and you do not walk in my shoes.

sincerely Me

shoe and jeans

The Dilemma


After woking for almost 2 and a half months. I’m starting to have this dilemma. It’s the dilemma which all of us go through in life. Whether to continue working or just become a housewife..haha. I know i know most of you are probably going to laugh at me. But studies has shown and it has been proven that happy families do develop from the husband being the breader of the family and the wife takes care of the children.

In Malaysia, the number of divorce cases is increasingly high. Mostly due to the fact that women do not know how to play their role in the family. Either she is too busy with her work..till her husband finds somebody else or a second wife.

I’m sure non of us want this kind of drama happening to ourself.

I’m sure

Lets pray . Lets take a momment to pray for me you and everyone around the world. I’m not making decisions based on emotions here. I’m making them based on hard facts. Yes i would love to have allot of kids. Yes i would like to teach my own kids. and yes i would like to become a mother. But no icant do both if i’m working and have a full time job. Let alone if i become a doctor. I know how it’s like and i know what the working hours are like. You don’t need to convince or fool me.

It saddens me that i see so many mature and young docotrs who are not married yet but choose to ignore their real purpose of life which is to become a mother and decided to be single for the rest of their life. There are those like that. I don’t need to mention names.

Lets just stop till here

Till next time taaa.

Dr Salihah

Surgical Posting

Assalamualaikum and a very good afternoon to all …
May Allah’s blessings be upon you all always.. Please do keep me in your prayers.

One of the chanllenge i have face in my 1st month of posting is gotting my self adjusted to the Malaysian system which is totally 90 degrees different from the russian system.

Actually you can just throw away all your russian notes because it probably wont help you much.

What are the issues that i face regularly as a first poster
1) Abbrevations
2) Lack of practical skills ( filling up forms, taking blood, ordering CT scans, etc etc)
3) Lack of practical knowledge.

As you know in Russia it is very hard for us to remember what we actually learn because we don’t put our knowledge into practice. You will actually understand how everything works once you start working because you are actually taking care of a patient your self and you will have to do all the steps. History taking, doing the necessary investigations, ordering Ct scans, reviewing them 3 times a day and following their progress up till the point they get discharged. This is something which we as a medical student rarely get to do. At least when i was a medical student that is.

You rarely have time to eat sometimes. So i suggest during you medical years to focus allot on your studies because it is going to help allot during your working life. As doctors like student who knows their stuff before working. Don’t do the mistake i made.


In the long run no matter how much you screw up. Don’t give up. Dont let some one bring you down so low to the point you feel like you want to quit because there are many others who wish to see you succeed and are praying for you.

:)))) SMILE..

No matter how tires. Always smile to patien, nurses and doctors. Having the right attitude is the way to go to get ahead.

All the best.

All i’ll keep you guys updated insyaAllah

Lovre DR Salihah.

Inviting Peaceful Thoughts

Based on Mary Atkinsons’ book ” Healing touch for children”Image

There are several methods of relaxing and soothing both mind and body. Relaxation techniques and visualizations can be ideal ways of calming yourself before offering nurturing touch to your child. You can also use them with your child, speaking softly and changing the words to suit her age and interests, whenever you feel it might be helpful for her, or indeed for you both. Older children may be able to use visualizatios for themselves when they feel the need to ease away tension, focus their attention and quieten their busy minds.


Simple Visualization

Practice this visualization to experience the feeling of peace that it can bring. Stand with your feet shoulder – width apart or sit comfortably on an upright chair. Relax your knees and shoulders. Close your eyes it you feel comfortable with them closed.


Now imagine that you are a tree, and that your feet are like the roots of a great tree sinking deep down into the earth. Your body feels strong and stable, like the trunk of an ancient tree. Feel the connection with the ground beneath you. Imagine that branches of your tree are growing from your head and shoulders, reaching high into the blue sky above you. Picture the leaves of your tree opening into the sunlight and relaxing in the warmth and energy of the sun’s rays. Feel the warmth. Enjoy the beauty of the blue sky. Be very quiet. Can you hear the birds singing?

Breathe in that feeling of natural warmth and relaxation. Allow it to spread through every part of you – from the top of your head to the very tips of your fingers and toes. Enjoy this peace for few moments. Now wriggle your fingers and your toes. Open your eyes, if they are closed. Stay with this quiet and peaceful frame of mind to begin whatever activity you are choosing to do next.


Once you start to feel the difference between tense and relaxed muscles, you will instantly recognize when you are holding tension, and you can then make a consious effort to relax and let go. This relaxation exercise, which you can enjoy doing on your own way or with your child at any time of day ( or night), involves deliberately tensing and relaxing different muscles in your body. You will find that it helps ease aches and pains, as well as relaxing both your mind and your body.

Sit or lie comfortably and loosen any tight clothing. Tense the muscles in your face. Make a distorted face, screwing up your eyes and mouth. Hold this position for a count of five, then release. Repeat a second time. Now hunch your shoulders and then let them drop and relax. Feel the tension easing from your body.

Next grip your fingers very tightly and then let go. This is a blissful feeling and can be repeated around other parts of the body. Perhaps your child could suggest which muslces to tense, hold and relax.

Visualization and relaxation techniques help calm mind and body.

Choosing oils for massage


Carrier oils

Carrier oils are natural vegetable oils that can be used as lubricant to make massage flow more easily and bring the benefit of skin – to- skin contact. They are rich in vitamins, proteins and minerals to help moisturize, nourish and strenghthen skin and hair, and may be mixed together if you wish. The most popular carrier oils for children are described here.

. Sweet almond oil